11/26/14-40 Thanksgivings Later

Compliments of Very Vintage Images

This is a story about my Thanksgiving in 1974.  I was 16, working 3 part-time jobs and living in my sister’s apartment while she lived with her boyfriend (now husband).  I was having Thanksgiving dinner with my boss and his family.  I was a guest and knew no one.  My family was scattered in the wind with other plans and my BFF and I had just had a major spat and busted up.  I was alone and overwhelmed with life, and I tried to take my life.

 

There wasn’t any one thing that day that “drove” me to that decision. A recurring thought I had was that I didn’t belong there or anywhere.  Everyone was laughing and carrying on, reminiscing about their family memories, and I knew no one.  I went to the bathroom and took as many pills as I could find.  I don’t even know what they were.  I was in and out of consciousness by the time the ambulance arrived.  I can’t even remember that poor family’s name.  They were kind enough to invite me to their family dinner and that was the thanks they got.  I never saw them again.  I think of them often and send them heartfelt love and gratitude for inviting me to Thanksgiving, and for saving my life.

 

Today, I am reminded of 1974, not only because of the 40-year anniversary date, but because this year feels a little like that one.  I will be a guest having Thanksgiving dinner with new, wonderful friends, but I won’t know anyone, not really.  The difference is, even though I will not be with familiar friends or family, I do not, and will not, feel alone.

 

Today, in GRACE, I am never alone.  I love and I am loved. The truth is, it no longer matters what I’m doing, or who I’m with, or what others are doing, or not doing.  The holes inside that used to feel like infinite vacuums, especially as a child and young adult, are completely filled.

 

Today, I am aware of the Christ within, the Goodness of God and I know there is only one God.  That ONENESS is all around me, in everything I see, hear, and feel, always.  My GRATITUDE for all that is exceeds my ability to describe it in words.  My heart is full.

 

I don’t know what will ultimately happen with my HS diagnosis, but I do know that it has forced me to look at each day with renewed hope and new vision.  I try not to take a single moment for granted and I work at replacing fear with faith. I pray and meditate and really listen for God’s guidance.  It comes in most extraordinary ways.

 

I can promise you this…

 

If you are in any pain at all this Holiday Season - emotional, physical, mental, fiscal or even spiritual - know that it is temporary and that you are loved beyond measure.  All that ever was, all that ever will be, is already here.  All our needs are met and all our dreams lie within our expanded awareness.  I am a firm believer that we see it when we believe it.

 

Happy Thanksgiving!

11/01/14-NaNoWriMo

nanowrimo.org

In spite of a rough day full of  battles in faith, fear and spiritual growth, through plenty of tears, I am grateful to have completed Day 1 of the NaNoWriMo challenge.  If I indeed only have 6 months-one year left to be a vessel for Spirit on this Earth (which I still do not own as my truth), I am determined to at least finish one of my books! 1,667 words required today and I spilled 2,410 which completes the rough draft of my first 2 chapters.  Woohoo and Whew!  Only 29 more days to go.

Thank you to all for your loving care, prayers and kind words.

By the way, the name of the book I've chosen for the contest is, "Ariana, Star Giver."  Anyone curious?

10/26/14-An Upright Day

Today was stellar.  With my symptoms all but gone, I was able to spend it upright.  What a blessing mobility is.  I wish I knew how to do cartwheels.  I never could, but today I was so happy to feel better, if I ever had been able to I would have probably tried.

The only incident that occurred was that I put something in the car and promptly found myself at the back of my yard near the barn.  For just a brief moment I stood there and wondered what was wrong with this picture.  Then I remembered, "Oh yeah, I need to go through the gate."  It puzzled me for just a split second when the gate wasn't there, and then I had a good laugh.  My dogs were looking at me through the fence with a look that said, "Whatcha doin' Mom.  We don't know this game."  But of course, Nonni and Bentley being their lovable selves were more than happy to go along with whatever I wanted to do.  I really did laugh out loud.  You see, the gate is right by my car - in the front yard!  As I walked back to the front, Nonni and Bentley bounced along, running to and fro, just as excited that I was coming around to the gate as if I'd been gone for weeks.  George Carlin used to do a great routine around dogs and their disregard for timelines.  More laughter.  And it was my last symptom of the day.  Laughter truly is healing.  Just ask Christina Conner, LUT, and those who attended her Laughter Workshop at the USCR Conference.  I choose joy.  I am grateful.

I also got to see a large flock of Green Jays today.  Wow.  That brought me great pleasure.  I was in the yard and they just kept coming.  Every single one of them landed in the tree right above me.  I let the tears flow as I watched them in flight and thought of Megon McDonough's song, "God Spoils Me" (click here to listen to snippet).  I didn't get to take a pic so I am sharing this one found through a Google image search, credit given.

JRComptondotcom

I got some things done throughout the day and after 2 sedentary days was a bit stir crazy so I took a short drive on the back roads.  We were gone for 45 minutes (including a stop to let the dogs roam free), and we never saw another car.  I love living in the country.  We did see a dozen deer and the stunning longhorn that is in the pic at top.  Wasn't it nice of this him to pose so perfectly for us?

Life is good.  I hope you too had a day where you recognized Grace, Gratitude and Oneness.  Namaste.