Spirit woke me up in the
middle of the night last night. I laid
there for a moment waiting for inspiration, enlightenment, a bolt of lightning
– something, but got nothing. I even
said out loud to the darkness, “What!?”
The only reaction was from my dogs.
Resigned to being awake, but not yet coherent enough to read, and not willing
to get up, I grabbed my phone off the nightstand and began surfing the
internet.
I love modern technology and
the blessings of living in this dispensation.
I have access to the world, unlimited "channels" at my fingertips, on my
phone, in the middle of the night, from my bed.
That is what I call a miracle; one I enjoy very much. To me, it is an example of God expressing
through our beautiful, creative, infinitely inventive and expansive minds. I love it.
And I love what happened
next.
Several links deep, I came
across an excerpt from a book on grief, Second Firsts by Christina Rasmussen.
Grief can be attributed to
any major loss, not just death. I attend
a weekly writer’s workshop, and am currently writing my life story. In it I describe some of the losses I’ve
experienced. Recently, a friend and I were
discussing the various aspects of grief so this link caught my eye and I took
time to read the excerpt.
It touched on so many things
alive in me right now that I couldn’t process them all. For one, it gave me a new title for my
book. When I first started writing my
story I was calling it, “Something is Wrong with Debra,” but I didn’t want to
leave that negative connotation in the Universe so I have been exploring
options for a new title.
In fact, I had even thought
about dropping the entire project along with the old title because I had begun
to question the whole concept of telling one’s story. There are many spiritual gurus, such as Byron Katie, who tout one’s story
doesn’t matter. It’s all a matter of
perspective and an illusion. I get
that. It’s a level of truth and
enlightenment that I aspire to. So, as I
opened up to the possibilities for a new title, I also began to doubt whether
or not my story even mattered.
Then a friend of mine, who I
consider to be a spiritual giant, told me, “The story might not matter, but
transcending it does. It might help
someone else transcend theirs.”
That was the inspiration I
needed for a new title and for continuing my writing. The title became, “My Story Matters.” It was better, more positive, but it still
didn’t sit well with me. The “my” in the
title felt self-centered and isolating.
Certainly “my” story isn’t the only one that matters. So I have remained opened to other titles.
My entry to this portal began
in the summer of 2012 when my friend (the same one that told me the story of my
transcendence matters) began challenging my whiny, petulant ramblings about the
woes of my life. He reminded me I had
co-created my environment and therefore living in it was my choice. In addition to that, he pointed out I also had
to believe on some level that I deserved the life I had, the low to which I had
sunk (my words, not his). He was clear –
I was the one restricting myself through my limited thinking.
His provocative remarks led
to a series of awakenings and I eventually recalled the day in 2011 that I made
the decision to move into that particular apartment complex. He was right!
I consciously chose it! Not only
that, he was also right in that I believed it was a rightful environment for
me. My underlying belief was that I had
failed at life and had ultimately received what I deserved. Wow, the scales began to fall from my eyes
quickly.
Then, that fall, I took a
class he was teaching on “Keys to the Kingdom” (a prosperity consciousness
course based on the book by David Owen Ritz). My life began to
change immediately but when I applied two key principles, my life began to change so dramatically, and quickly, I couldn't keep up. I was launched
on an exponential, spiritual growth curve that continues
today. Here are the two principles I
took to heart:
- I denied my current state of affairs. I looked at the life I was living and over-and-over declared, “This is not my existence.” I had had enough and was ready to co-create a higher standard of living.
- I claimed Oneness with Spirit and became willing to do whatever was asked of me.
I find it fascinating that I recently
went through this same two-step process again.
Only this time I didn’t recognize that I had done so until I was on the
other side of it!
It began when I found myself “in”
a series of painful experiences (my perception).
“We don’t see things as they
are, we see them as we are.”
– Anais Nin, US (French born)
author & diarist (1903-1977)
It is important to note that the
entire time I was going through this painful process, I was still willing to do
whatever Spirit wanted me to do (step 2 above, check). I continued doing all the things that keep me
connected to Spirit, and even picked up a few more tools, but I wasn’t able to
move past the pain. I could not
understand why I felt “stuck.” Finally,
when I was ready to stand strong and deny my existence of lack (step 1 above), I
was able to let go and move on. It took
both steps to move me into a new awareness.
This 2nd time of
processing both steps once again took me out of that false victim mode of
thinking. I went from thinking things
were “happening to me” to a
victorious mode of, “I am not going to allow this, and it is not going
to affect me (my higher self); no matter what, even if it means I stand alone.” When I leaned into that and moved through all
of the pain that came with that (and there was a lot), in that moment of
acceptance and surrender, I was instantly transformed. I was willing to stand alone in my truth, and
in that moment, nothing and no one else mattered. And yet my love, for all that is, became even greater.
A particular song by Rickie Byars Beckwith kept playing
over- and-over in my head, “I Release and I Let Go”:
I release and I let go,
I let the Spirit run my life.
And my heart is open wide,
Yes, I’m only here for God.
No more struggle, no more strife,
With my faith I see the light.
I am free in the Spirit,
Yes, I’m only here for God.
The peace I gained from that
process remains with me. Even when
unpleasantries come up that would normally unravel me, it just doesn’t matter
anymore. As before, something inside of
me shifted and my life is improving dramatically. I have experienced a life-changing
realization that is resolute.
In fact, as I move through
this portal of transformation, each awakening takes me to a heightened level of
realization and I am learning that nothing on this earth matters; yet
everything matters. Another spiritual
giant in my life, Aliza Bloom Robinson (here), says dualities such as this one
are everywhere because we live in a time when major spiritual shifts are occurring
across the entire planet at a rate never experienced before. We are shifting individually and
collectively.
My summary is that we are to
live and love from a new consciousness; from “that which animates the body”
(Gangaji, “the Diamond in your Pocket”). We are to stand in our truth,
even if it means standing alone. And we
are to do it in the full knowledge that we are One. There is no separation.
Aliza often confirms, “We are
to do it alone; yet we can’t do it by ourselves.” To me, this means that we are to do our
transformation work alone, regardless of what others are doing or what might be
happening around us. We are to find our
individual, specific truth and live that truth even if it means standing alone,
and it often does. Yet we can’t do it by
ourselves. We find spiritual mentors,
like-minded individuals seeking truth, positive thought and enlightenment, and
we gather strength and grow spiritually stronger – individually and
collectively. We do it alone, but not by
ourselves.
In sorting through all of
this, I finally realized why Spirit woke me up in the middle of the night.
My whole life has been spent
in a circuitous loop of disaster/trauma/drama à overcoming/surviving à shock/PTSD à celebration/recovery à sublime routine à Repeat.
Enough!
So, for the 3rd
time since my awakening in October 2012, I once again deny that which I have
been living and become a willing vessel for God as I affirm:
“That cycle is NOT my life,
and
I remain willing to do whatever
Spirit wants of me.”
As I gratefully and hopefully
graciously live from this place of new understanding, I can’t wait to see what is
manifested now.
Whatever it is, “we” will
co-create it together: me, Spirit, the
Universe and you. There is no
separation. We are One. Namaste.
