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| Compliments of Very Vintage Images |
This is a story about my Thanksgiving in 1974. I was 16, working 3 part-time jobs and living in my sister’s apartment while she lived with her boyfriend (now husband). I was having Thanksgiving dinner with my boss and his family. I was a guest and knew no one. My family was scattered in the wind with other plans and my BFF and I had just had a major spat and busted up. I was alone and overwhelmed with life, and I tried to take my life.
There wasn’t any one thing that day that “drove” me to that decision. A recurring thought I had was that I didn’t belong there or anywhere. Everyone was laughing and carrying on, reminiscing about their family memories, and I knew no one. I went to the bathroom and took as many pills as I could find. I don’t even know what they were. I was in and out of consciousness by the time the ambulance arrived. I can’t even remember that poor family’s name. They were kind enough to invite me to their family dinner and that was the thanks they got. I never saw them again. I think of them often and send them heartfelt love and gratitude for inviting me to Thanksgiving, and for saving my life.
Today, I am reminded of 1974, not only because of the 40-year anniversary date, but because this year feels a little like that one. I will be a guest having Thanksgiving dinner with new, wonderful friends, but I won’t know anyone, not really. The difference is, even though I will not be with familiar friends or family, I do not, and will not, feel alone.
Today, in GRACE, I am never alone. I love and I am loved. The truth is, it no longer matters what I’m doing, or who I’m with, or what others are doing, or not doing. The holes inside that used to feel like infinite vacuums, especially as a child and young adult, are completely filled.
Today, I am aware of the Christ within, the Goodness of God and I know there is only one God. That ONENESS is all around me, in everything I see, hear, and feel, always. My GRATITUDE for all that is exceeds my ability to describe it in words. My heart is full.
I don’t know what will ultimately happen with my HS diagnosis, but I do know that it has forced me to look at each day with renewed hope and new vision. I try not to take a single moment for granted and I work at replacing fear with faith. I pray and meditate and really listen for God’s guidance. It comes in most extraordinary ways.
I can promise you this…
If you are in any pain at all this Holiday Season - emotional, physical, mental, fiscal or even spiritual - know that it is temporary and that you are loved beyond measure. All that ever was, all that ever will be, is already here. All our needs are met and all our dreams lie within our expanded awareness. I am a firm believer that we see it when we believe it.
Happy Thanksgiving!
