3/9/14 - How Am I

A dear friend recently texted me and asked, “How are you?”

My heart leapt for joy as I read each word.

One thing I have unequivocally learned about myself is that one of my core needs is to matter.  It is so primal that many times throughout my life I have sacrificed my well-being in pursuit of it.

That is not surprising when one pictures me as a small child who, by the age of 4, had learned to stay alert and be vigilant so that she was not left behind in dance halls or the like.  My lizard brain has several such evenings cataloged, ready for instant replay, whenever it thinks it necessary for my survival.

I am learning.  And, in my spiritual growth, I am expanding.  I love that little girl, and I give her as much compassion as I can.  And, I am learning how to get my needs met in healthy ways.  As my Higher self becomes more aware, it waxes, and my needs in general, wane.

Still, when a loved one, such as my dear friend, connects with me heart-to-heart, AND my need to matter is met, it is miraculous and joy-FULL for me, and such a connection fills the innermost part of my soul.

So, I basked in that for awhile, reread the text several times, and contemplated the question: How am I?

Well, let’s see…

In October 2012, I committed to Spirit, “Whatever you want of me, I will do.”

That detonated major events in my life that I describe as gifts from Spirit channeled through the hearts and hands of some very amazing, incredible, and loving people.  It is an honor and privilege to call you friends and family.

• I moved out of the hood (thanks to many people!) and in to a beautiful apartment complex my friends Suzy and Roberta told me about.  They too made the move not too many weeks behind me.  We remained neighbors, and more importantly, friends.  Awesome!

• I went to work for one of my best friends and my long-time spiritual mentor, the ever awe-inspiring Rev. David H. Howard.  I am eternally grateful for the spiritual gifts and growth that came from each incomparable moment of each day that I had the privilege of working with him.

• I fulfilled a calling for Spirit while at that job, and I witnessed what happens when people feel heard and Spirit is allowed to express.  Creativity blossoms and love triumphs, always.  Thank you, Unity of Arlington, for it all.  My life is forever changed, and I am indebted to each of you.  You hold a very special place in my heart.  Namaste.

• I found out I have family on my father’s side that I never even knew existed.  They are incredibly loving, magnanimous people that I am proud to call family, and I cannot wait to meet all of them in person at our annual family reunion in April.  I’m still in awe and can hardly believe it, but it’s true.  I have a family reunion to go to.  I am so blessed.

• I also realized a dream come true in my purchase of a 1981 Class B RV Van, Fiona Ford.  I love her so very much.  On February 22, 2014, she became my permanent residence.  Since my earliest memories, one of the things I’ve wanted most in my life was to “settle” somewhere; establish roots.  From grades 1-10, I went to an average of 3 schools per year, and since pre-school I have dreamed of never having to move again.  Check.  Saying thank you to my wonderful, dear friends that helped me fulfill a lifelong dream seems grossly inadequate, but there are no words to express my sentiment.  So I offer simply, from my heart to yours, “Thank you.”  You know who you are.

• On the heels of having finished one calling for Spirit at Unity of Arlington, I received a phone call for another job at Unity of Dallas.  Since my commitment to Spirit in October 2012, I have been walking on marbles (Jami Lula, “Something’s Calling Me”) unable to catch up, and this is no different.  Just like my calling at Unity of Arlington, I was not ready for the call at Unity of Dallas, but Spirit said otherwise so I said yes (Daniel Nahmod, “So Here Goes Nothing”).  On February 24, I became the Executive Administrator at Unity of Dallas and I am astounded at how “God Spoils Me” (Megon McDonough).

• Then, just before moving into Fiona, neighbors across the hallway knocked on my door and offered to buy Betsy Buick.  And no, I’m not kidding, that’s literally how it went down.  Thank you Charles and Tuey!  From that, I was able to get a 2008 Smart Car, Samantha, and I now have reliable transportation in which to travel to and from my new job AND she can easily be towed behind Fiona.  Life is good; real good.  David, thank you for encouraging me to pursue the possibility of purchasing a car.  It wasn’t even in my universe or thought process as a possibility.  I love the way God sometimes speaks to us all through one other.

• So, Nonni, Bentley and I live in Fiona, but Miss Hope went to live with one of my good friends, Connie Cox.  I dub her the best 2^nd mom kitty cat lover in the whole wide world!  She and Sammie, her big boy kitty, have welcomed Miss Hope with open arms. After Connie posted pics of Miss Hope on FB, here was my comment to her, "4 furbabies, you, and me, are happier and blessed today because you followed your heart, brought her into your home, and made her a member of your family.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.  I love you.  Namaste."

So, back to my friend’s question: How am I?

He asked because I am with my sister, Sheree, who is in the hospital.  She broke her back.  Again.  You will remember her from many of my blog posts.  Here are just a few (Salado, Mother's Day, Knick Knacks, Garage Sale).

In 1998, a drunk driver hit my sister and her family head on.  Paul, her husband was driving their van.  We lost him instantly.  The kids were with them as well as her mother-in-law.  There were many injuries.  That was when Sheree’s back was broken the first time.  She also suffered 3 broken ribs and a broken collar bone that day.  Through all of that she took care of her 6 children, and she did it all on Tylenol or an occasional Tylenol 3 so she could stay functional.  Now, with this new fracture, all these years later, she can’t walk and can barely breathe.  The powerful pain meds in her IV help only a little.  A 2^nd surgery is scheduled for Monday.  We’ll know more after that.  It is difficult and devastating to watch her in so much pain.  Helpless am I.  At times.

Then I come back to my truth and am able to stay connected and grounded in Spirit and be present for her.  I surround her in love.  And she is loved by so many.  She is receiving great care by a nurturing, compassionate staff and she has many prayer warriors and chaplains holding her in perfect health, pure light, love and freedom.

Sometime during the night, she and I had “the” discussion.  You know, the one where you talk about the what-to-do’s-if.  At one point I asked, “Are you scared?”

She patted my hand and with a gentle smile said, “No.  My faith is strong.  Whatever happens, I am at peace.”  Then she added, as an afterthought, and still with a smile on her face, “But it would be nice if they could do something about the pain.  I’d sure let them.”

Then, through gritted teeth from a surge of pain, she asked if I was okay.  Wow, she is her father’s daughter!

Here’s a post on FB I wrote about Dad almost 3 years ago:

"My dad is hospitalized with stage 4 brain cancer.  The doctors and staff ask him how he's doing, he has always replied with a smile, "I'm doing fine. How are YOU doing?"  When asked, "Are you hurting?"  He replies, "No, not much.  Are YOU okay?"  Such a sweetheart.  I love him so.  For days now, he's "present" less and less.  The blessing is he doesn't know he doesn't know, and he seems to be in little to no pain.  Miraculous.  Still, my heart is heavy.  Tonight for the first time, I couldn't have a conversation with my dad.  Everything he said was nonsensical.  Still, he was cheerful, happy to talk to whoever I might have been and thanked me ever so much for calling while he added, "God Bless You" just before we hung up.  No Dad, "God Bless YOU!"  I miss you already."

Here are additional blog posts on Dad (Two Dads, A&W Root Beer, Family, Tribute).

My final answer to the question: How am I?

I am blessed beyond measure.  Grateful to my core for all that is, all that has been and all that will ever be.  I am in awe of the beauty I see around me, everywhere, every day regardless of the circumstances.  And, I am in love with life, Spirit, and the amazing, loving spiritual giants in my life that serve as living, loving examples of Christ consciousness as we travel this journey together.  We are One.

How am I?

I AM.

---------------------------------------------
Update, 3/11/14:  Thank you ALL for your prayers and heartfelt wishes for my sister and me.  Her surgery was a HUGE success and we are VERY grateful.  Her post-op care will include preventative treatment for future breaks.  Please continue to hold her in vision for her prognosis to be pure and perfect health and wholeness with complete recovery.  It is appropriate today's Daily Word is on Praying for Others (click here).  xoxoxo