6/7/15-The Path of Least Resistance

Dr. Wayne H. Dyer FB

This post isn't about being lazy, or quitting, or even taking the easy way out. Well, maybe it's about the easy way out. I suppose that is a matter of perspective.

I am learning to love myself on the path of least resistance. I tend to beat the crap out of myself and whatever path I'm on, thinking that I need to do more, feel more, think more, be more. More, more, more. It is ludicrous. And it is a habit I choose to change.

And it goes against my spiritual beliefs.

For me, it is a fine line between spiritual malpractice (using spirituality as a whipping post) and practicing spirituality (living from love in Oneness). I'm done with the duality. I am spirituality. I am the path of least resistance. I am success. I am abundant. I am. As are you.

And in that, all is well, always.

In my desire to learn to be more transparent, more authentic, I am going to share with you what could be judged as less than. It is not. It is just me honoring my path of least resistance. Bear with me through this post and I promise the next two posts will be upbeat, have fun pics and good news.

My black eye still prevails and it has been 6 (!) weeks since my last fall. The knot above my eyebrow has not gone away either. I am ready to accept that my left eye may never look the same again. All in all, it is a small price to pay for as bad as it could have been. I consider myself lucky, blessed.

This may shock some, but I want to share, need to share, that I have had thoughts of suicide these past few months. I'm tired of hiding it and it is not healthy for me to do so. From a materialistic viewpoint, I've lost everything. I live in a borrowed trailer. I don't even own a vehicle. I am blessed with a few household items including patio furniture and decor (thank you friends) and my clothes, but that is it. I quite literally can claim nothing of value on financial forms, not even a savings account let alone retirement. I pray every day that my beloved dogs remain healthy because I do not have the money to give them the care they deserve. I live on approximately $800/month and the generosity of my awe-mazing friends and close family members. And I live alone with my two dogs.

Don't get me wrong. I like living alone. I am not opposed to a companion; I just don't need one. And as I mentioned, in all of this I've had occasional thoughts of suicide. The thoughts are fleeting and they are much, much, much less bullying than they used to be. Such thoughts have been with me since the age of 5. Or at least that's my first memory of them. I stayed home one day from school and my plan was to hide until everyone left for the day. By the time they did, I was having much too much fun enjoying having the house all to myself to remember my original plan.

And that is for future blog posts and/or books.

For this post, I want to share that while the recent thoughts used to be prevalent in my life, the good news now is they rarely show their ugly head and they are never with me for more than a few hours. I thought they had disappeared for good, and I was surprised when they reappeared. I am grateful that I have more tools for combating them now. In fact, that's the point. I don't do battle with them, with me, anymore. I accept. I respect. I examine, and I release and let go. I love. And I remind myself I am love.

I listen to spiritual, uplifting, new thought music. I pray. I meditate. I call friends. I listen to spiritual, uplifting, new thought messages. I read. I write. And I connect with Oneness - all that is, all that has ever been, all that will ever be. And I cry.

I allow whatever it is that needs to come up to present itself, and I do my best to love that which is crying out. I also do my best to allow myself to grieve for it is usually a deep hole that opens up and it feels like an abyss. And, as always, when I get back to a place where I can feel it, Spirit showers me with love and I am reminded who I am, and I'm good for another day.

While that may sound like a miserable way to live, it is reality for me, and it is what this illness brings. Facing the possible loss of my mind makes me feel vulnerable beyond belief. I would imagine that no one likes to feel vulnerable. It is uncomfortable at best. For me, from birth, it has also been life-threatening. You don't grow up in the horrors I did and easily make peace with feeling vulnerable.

So, I welcome the opportunities my illness brings. I may, in this lifetime, finally release all that I've carried with me all these years. I may finally be able to let you see the side of me that is scared to death of being me. I may be able to actually be me and learn to love me while sharing this life with you on my path of least resistance.

It's not easy. And there is such freedom in it that my heart leaps with joy almost at the same time my old self fights to shrink.

I went to church this morning. It felt so good to be with my Unity peeps again. I haven't attended church with like-minded people in what seems like forever. And I'll take the opportunity to say it again - I am SO grateful for modern technology that has allowed me to listen to spiritual messages and read uplifting passages and listen to songs that heal whenever I want to or need to. And..... there is nothing quite like being in a room full of loving beings that get we are spiritual beings on a human journey. Plus I got to give and receive hugZ.

I felt at home immediately, and in synchronicity the message was on Abraham Lincoln and a speech he gave on the topic: "a house divided cannot stand." The minister gave biblical references and pointed out that other religions have the same historical message. Abraham Lincoln used it to address the issue of slavery and the great divide our nation was facing at the time. He took a lot of heat for a very controversial stance. He could have taken the easy way out and said it was biblical-based, but he stood in his truth, and in his knowing that he spoke truth, he did not waiver. And he lost his senate seat. Those were probably bleak days for him but he rode his truth all the way to the White House a couple of years later. It was a great message this morning, and it did not stop there.

We cannot stand if we are divided. It is a spiritual truth. It is law. Governments cannot stand, agencies cannot stand, corporations cannot stand if divided. We as individuals cannot either. The minister turned to the metaphysical and reminded us that we cannot claim spiritual truths and yet live and think in direct opposition to that which we know. We cannot claim infinite abundance and talk about, think about, and wail about lack. We cannot claim perfect health and focus on our woes while constantly complaining about our aches and pains. In doing so, we are divided.

My tears flowed.

It is no coincidence that my great friend David Howard wrote about the dualistic mind in his blog this week (here). And, almost 1000 miles away, he spoke about the same spiritual truth today. I can hardly wait to listen to his message when it is uploaded (here). In his article, he wrote, "We cannot be aware of a 'need' for which there is not already the divine supply." He also wrote:

"It is, however, important for us to realize that this Truth does not allow us to abdicate our responsibility to take action. While Consciousness is the supply, it must be brought forth into form through us. It begins with our conscious awareness of it, continues with our willingness to fill our hearts and minds with the realization of it, and culminates as we actively engage in actions to bring it forth into manifestation."

Which brings me full circle. In learning to love myself and honor the path of least resistance, I am okay today with who I am. Well, for the most part - I am a work in progress. But I am getting much better at accepting what might be perceived as limitations. I am outgoing and sociable, but I am also shy and by definition, an introvert who recharges from my valued time alone. Mother Nature seems to have taken care of that age old feeling of mine that I need to "do" more to "be" more because I no longer can push the boundaries of my limits. Whenever I try to push myself to any unhealthy degree, I end up falling, having a seizure, getting lost with no understanding of my surroundings, or I suffer time and/or memory loss.

I don't know about you, but that is a pretty loud wake up call to stay in the moment and love myself while honoring the path of least resistance. I no longer have grandiose ideas that I am going to blaze trails in the corporate world, or set the world on fire while touring the speakers' circuit, or go cross-country on another Road King, but the world is opening up to me in more ways than I could have ever dreamed possible.

I thought the world would come to an end if I quit trying to be more. It turns out I don't have to push, to fight or strive. Neither do you. It's okay to walk the path of least resistance. It is actually paramount.

I feel such love from so many people. And I am capable of giving great love. I am learning to enjoy living life slower. I can stay grounded in any given moment with my feet connected to Mother Earth's core and my heart connected to the vastness of Oneness. I live in an extremely beautiful and peaceful environment. If I look at it from love, I don't feel shame for all I enjoy, I see only gifts of love from dear, awe-mazing, wonderful friends.

I know God as Spirit, and I love Jesus Christ as our Master Way-shower. I learn from and love many Spiritual masters - past and present - from many different sects. In my spiritual growth, I not only have been able to forgive those that inflicted the atrocities I endured as a child, I have been able to forgive myself for the mistakes I made while floundering. I celebrate that anyone can. We are all One.

It doesn't mean it's always easy. I went to church today against all odds. Thinking about driving had my tummy nauseous, literally. I almost talked myself out of going from fear of having an accident. Plus I've had nose bleeds for two days and I dealt with a massive one just before I left the house which had me walking in the door right as service was beginning. I was embarrassed to be so late. It didn't help that I changed clothes 3 times - not out of vanity but from the opposite. I wanted to honor me. I wanted to love me. The authentic me. It took me 3 times to set vanity aside and I went in jeans, as me. My nail polish was chipped and my eye still black, but I went to church without demanding perfection of myself. I stayed after the service for as long as I was comfortable, and I left.

I am learning to love myself on the path of least resistance. You can too.

There is only love. I encourage you to enjoy, cherish even, your path of least resistance and learn to love that person - the you that shows up in that journey. Whatever it may look like, however you may be.